*** My night began as any other normal weeknight. Come home, fix dinner, play with the kids. I then had the thought that would ring painfully in my mind for the next few hours: 'Maybe I should pull the waxing kit out of the medicine cabinet.'

So I headed to the site of my demise: the bathroom. It was one of those 'cold wax' kits. No melting a clump of hot wax, you just rub the strips together in your hand, they get warm and you peel them apart and press them to your leg (or wherever else) and you pull the hair right off.

No muss, no fuss. How hard can it be? I mean, I'm not a genius, but I am mechanically inclined enough to figure this out. (YA THINK!?

So I pull one of the thin strips out. Its two strips facing each other stuck together. Instead of rubbing them together, my genius kicks in so I get out the hair dryer and heat it to 1000 degrees. ('Cold wax,' yeah...right I lay the strip across my thigh. Hold the skin around it tight and pull. It works!

OK, so it wasn't the best feeling, but it wasn't too bad. I can do this!
Hair removal no longer eludes me!
I am She-rah, fighter of all wayward body hair and maker of smooth skin extraordinaire.
With my next wax strip I move north.

Af ter checking on the kids, I sneak back into the bathroom, for the ultimate hair fighting championship. I drop my panties and place one foot on the toilet. Using the same procedure, I apply the wax strip across the right side of my bikini line, covering the right half of my hoo-ha and stretching down to the inside of my butt cheek (it was a long strip = ) I inhale deeply and brace myself....

RRRRIIIPPP!!!!

I'm blind!!! Oh My GAWD, I'm Bl inded from pain!!!!....OH MY GAWD!!!!!!!!!

Vision returning, I notice that I've only managed to pull off half the strip. WHAT?!?!
Another deep breath and RIPP!
Everything is spinning and spotted. I think I may pass out...must stay conscious...must stay conscious. Do I hear crashing drums???
Breathe, breathe...OK, back to normal.

I want to see my trophy - a wax covered strip, the one that has caused me so much pain, with my hairy pelt sticking to it. I want to revel in the glory that is my triumph over body hair.
I hold up the strip!
There's no hair on it.
Where is the hair???
WHERE IS THE WAX???
Slowly I ease my head down, foot still perched on the toilet. I see the hair.

The hair that should be on the strip...it's not! I touch...I am touching wax!!

I run my fingers over the most sensitive part of my body, which is now covered in cold wax and matted hair. Then I make the next BIG mistake...remember my foot is still propped upon the toilet? I know I need to do something. So I put my foot down.

Sealed shut! My butt is sealed shut. Sealed shut! Ahhhhhhhhhhh!

I penguin walk around the bathroom trying to figure out what to do and think to myself 'What can I do to melt the wax? Hot water!! Hot water melts wax!! I'll run the hottest water I can stand into the bathtub, get in, immerse the wax-covered bits and the wax should melt and I can gently wipe it off, right???' WRONG!!!!!!!

I get in the tub - the water is slightly hotter than that used to torture prisoners of war or sterilize surgical equipment - I sit. Now the only thing worse than having your nether regions glued together, is
having them glued together and then glued to the bottom of the tub...in scalding hot water. Which, by the way, doesn't melt cold wax.

So, now I'm stuck to the bottom of the tub as though I had cemented myself to the porcelain!! God bless the man who had convinced me a few months ago to have a phone put in the bathroom!!!!!

I call my friend, thinking surely she has waxed before & has some secret of how to get me undone. It's a very good conversation starter 'So, my butt and hoo-ha are glued together to the bottom of the tub!'

There is a slight pause. She doesn't know any secret tricks for removal but she does try to hide her laughter from me. She wants to know exactly where the wax is located, 'Are we talking cheeks? Hole? or hoo-ha?' She's laughing out loud by now...I can hear her. I give her the rundown and she suggests I call the number on the side of the box.

YEAH! Right!! I should be the joke of someone else's night. While we go through various solutions. I resort to trying to scrape the wax off with a razor . Nothing feels better than to have your girlie goodies covered in hot wax, glued shut, stuck to the tub in super hot water and then dry-shaving the sticky wax off!! By now the brain is not working, dignity has taken a major hike and I'm pretty sure I'm going to need Post-Traumatic Stress counseling for this event.

My friend is still talking with me when I finally see my saving grace....the lotion they give you to remove the excess wax.

What do I really have to lose at this point? I rub some on and... OH MY GAWD!!!!!!! The scream probably woke the kids and scared the dickens out of my friend. It's sooo painful, but I really don't care. 'IT WORKS!!'

'It works!!' I get a hearty congratulation from my friend and she hangs up. I successfully remove the remainder of the wax and then notice to my grief and despair...THE HAIR IS STILL HERE.

ALL OF IT!

So I recklessly shave it off. Heck, I'm numb by now. Nothing hurts. I could have amputated my own leg at this point. Next week I'm going to try hair color.



*** BLOGGER'S NOTE: Thanks to Candice for sharing the funniest thing I've read in a very long time! I received it via email but if anyone knows where it came from, please let me know. We'd like to give credit where credit is due! ***

Crowd (Yelling back) "How tired are you?"

I haven't been this tired since I had an eight month old who was up through the night. In fact, I think I was better rested then as I spent most of my days on the couch with a boob flopped out of my shirt doing the hostage mother thing.

Yet, here I am. Almost eleven pm, an hour past my goal bedtime, and I am still tickety-tick typing away.

My joints hurt.
I hate the cold.
I'm tired of snow.
I need to wash my vehicle.
I have yet to sort books for the school book sale.
I need milk for breakfast. (Looks like an egg day.)

I'm supposed to be in Red Deer for 9am.
I am supposed to be in Lacombe for 10:45am.
I am supposed to have all my receipts and financials ready for my accountant - gawd love her.
I haven't been to the gym all week.
I had Dairy Queen for lunch today.
I skipped the Blizzard for two reasons - I'm cold enough already. And I forgot that I had an appointment downtown, and I had six minutes to get there.

I buy vegetables for my family and then we eat whatever is quickest.
Then I feel guilty.
I totally feel like I suck at anything domestic.
I put my brushed cotton suit jacket in the dryer with wet towels to try and loosen the wrinkles in the elbow crease and see if the dryer wouldn't suck off the friggin pet hair.
WHO DOES THAT?
Do you know what happens to anything of value that gets washed/dried with a load of towels?
You should see it. The only positive thing I can say, is that from a distance it looks like I'm covered in snowflakes, which is perfect cause I just noticed that it looks like we're in for a real blizzard.

I feel like my arse is square from sitting.
AND I think I have bad breath!

I'd better go to bed before you all don't come back to read anymore. I don't even like myself right now. Let's hope things look better in the morning.

I was thinking today about 'busy-ness,' and about over-committing oneself, about doing things for the wrong reasons... okay maybe not 'wrong' reasons just not for compelling joyful life kind of reasons.

You know what I am talking about... I am talking about allowing your time, your life and your energy to get caught up in the vortex of work, kid, church, school and life committments. Those commitments that suck up our time and our energy and leave us winded, gasping for breath, disoriented, dizzy and overwhelmed.

WHY DO WOMEN OVERLOAD THEIR LIVES AND THEIR SCHEDULES WITH MEANINGLESS JUNK?

After all these years of self-help books, women's liberation, feminism and living both with purpose and purposefully, women are still trapping themselves in an all-consuming hubbub of 'must keep busy', 'must be a part of', 'must be liked,' 'must look like I am involved/important.'

BUSY = IMPORTANT
Who made that shit up?

Don't get me wrong... I personally believe in volunteering to a cause. I believe in donating time, energy and money at appropriate moments. I believe in lending a hand, being supportive and using my talents to assist when necessary. I believe that we all need friends to lean on. I believe in joining forces to get things done.

Unfortunately, as women (especially women who are particularly giving, helpful and generous with their time) we tend to chain ourselves to other people's dreams and goals and lose sight of our own agendas. We do it with our employers, our spouses, our girlfriends, our families, our service groups, our churches and our exteneded social networks. We lock ourselves into exhausting roles that we aren't particularly passionate about and then kill ourselves trying to be a superstar. We say yes when we should say no. And we simply DO TOO MUCH.

THEN, we lie to ourselves and think that someone somewhere is sitting back, marvelling:

"WOW, that Kim, she is a superstar! She planned the grandparents tea for the school, works full time and has four kids, but she just committed herself to chair that rummage sale committee that noone would touch with a ten foot pole!"

Most people aren't marveling at your ability, your commitment to the cause or your chock-full calendar. Most people don't even notice. And I would bet that the ones that do notice are saying, 'Thank the sweet Lord that's not me!'

Are we looking for praise?
Recognition?
Acceptance?
To fit in?
(AND HEY, IF YOU TRULY LOVE BEING BUSY - MORE POWER TO YOU.)


I try to avoid guilt at all costs. (I'm a work in progress. I am learning.) Learning to say no without guilt is one of the most important skills a woman can learn.

Let's practice:

No.
No thank you.
No can do.
No, not interested.
No, it won't work.
Nope.
No, maybe another time
No, I can't do it.
No-sir-ee.
No, not going to happen.
No way, Jose.
No chance.

I guarantee you that if you aren't saying NO to something or someone in the mode of self-preservation, no one else will jump in to rescue you and say, "Hey, no whoa Kim... You're doing too much. Let me plan the next three months of choir music. You really need a break."

What is so scary about the word no?
What do we think will happen if we say it?

Part of living a blessed and purposeful life is discovering YOUR PURPOSE and YOUR JOURNEY. Again, volunteerism is a wonderful part of reasonable generosity, but 'going along for the ride' because you just can't bring yourself to 'upset' someone by saying no, is NUTTY!

You've only got this second. And this one. And this one.

What do YOU want to do? What would fill YOUR cup? What make YOU smiile? What are YOUR dreams?

People aren't inspired by an ability to run yourself ragged. People are inspired and wowed by clarity, purpose, passion and positivity.

Learn to say no to the stuff that doesn't nourish and fill your spirit. You'll find that by saying no to everything that is NOT in alignment with WHO YOU ARE and WHERE YOU WANT TO GO, you'll open up your own life to everything that is MEANT JUST FOR YOU!

Try it.

'No, I can't do it.'
And then be quiet. No explanation necessary. No apology.

You'll find new freedom.

Get this.

I finally had a relatively 'un'busy weekend.

I am overjoyed at the free time that I found myself with. I did minimal work. Enjoyed the weather. Cleaned my upstairs bathroom Friday night at 11:30pm. (Less to do in the morning...) I walked outside both days with my sister. I had coffee with my other sister and her husband and boys. Made a semi-sort-of-decent dinner for Sunday dinner... (I suck at cooking.) I even made time to watch a movie! Do you know how long its been since I sat down and did nothing?

Did I mention that I cleaned out the laundry room, wiped down the washer and dryer, washed all the floors upstairs and the hallway downstairs? I even hauled stuff away to the Sally-Ann...

Wow, can you say PRODUCTIVE? If you only knew how far behind in my 'home-work' I'd been! I even found time to fool around with my husband...

Holy cow! I feel like Superwoman.


But get this...

Mid-Sunday afternoon, I give in to her whine and agree to take my 5 year old with me while I get groceries for the school week.

I tell my husband, 'I am leaving now,' he says, 'Don't forget the gravy!' 'You bet!' I say, thinking, 'Who are you telling me to remember the gravy? Don't you worry about me, you just worry about you... I know what I am doing... I run a magazine you know, big boy.'

My littlest one is fairly helpful, pushing the cart and recommending items for purchase. (I only had to put back sweet peppers, 2 packages of organic corn on the cob and some kind of instant mousse at the checkout.)

The whoooole time we're at the store, I am praising myself for a weekend's worth of work accomplished (in my head, of course) And I am planning my upcoming work week.

And I am talking to myself, muttering... 'swimming this week, make sure the swimsuits are gathered up', 'meeting Tuesday morning, lunch appointment Tuesday noon,' buy luncheon meat...', 'send an email to so-and-so....'

Soon I am making my way through the check-out, Gabriele has made out okay - she asked for a pack of Hubba Bubba gum and I relented which means I won't hear from her until we get home... she can't possibly talk with a mouth that full...

I pay the bill.

Holy snort! 'That adds up fast!' I think as I walk out the store door and glide across the parking lot, 'come here Gabe, stay with mom.'

I unlock the van.

'Man!' I think to myself while saying outloud, "Get in and do up your belt Gabe!" all the while still sputtering off in my own head, 'feeding your family a great selection of healthy food is not cheap!'

I load the groceries into the van and continue to discuss things with myself while I do up Gabe's belt and remind her not to choke on her wad of slobbery pink gum...

I zip the cart back to the stall and park it, removing my loonie very carefully so as not to drop it in the snow, cause I hate the thought of all that dirty sticky snow. 'Boy,' I think to myself' money really is so dirty, germs galore!'

As I climb into the driver's seat, checking my mirrors, double checking Gabe's belt, re-checking the time, thinking, 'Dinner is at 5:30, did I get what I need? Did I remember the fabric softener?' Did I buy celery? Check.'

As I sit there, stewing, thinking, organzing, doublechecking... I realize that my key won't work in the ignition. It just won't fit. What the...

Then I realize that I have my loonie half jammed into the ignition.

DUH.

I need to work harder at being focused.
Present in the moment.
Pay attention.

And guess what I forgot?
The gravy.

… you have ever nursed a baby while stirring a boiling pot of spaghetti sauce while talking on the phone about planning the annual church rummage sale which you volunteered for as committee chair….

… you have balanced a screeching hot paper thin cardboard mug of coffee that was searing your fingertips while driving and handing out burgers and fries on the way to the rink….

… you’ve cared for an ailing parent (or partner) dealt with doctors, nurses, hospitals and eventually funeral arrangements all while managing your own real life, including your own caseload at work, three kids and a dog.

…driven to Calgary for a meeting, then caught the red-eye to Toronto with your boss to meet with investors and flown back within 36 hours, all so you wouldn’t miss your boyfriend’s sister’s bridal shower… which you happily agreed to host at your house!

… your ‘day off’ included catching up on the laundry, going to visit grandma in the nursing home and driving all over hell’s half acre to get the kids where they would like to be: a birthday party at the bowling alley, the swimming pool and a friend’s house in the country….

… calved out cattle, administered antibiotics to a calf with scours, beheaded, plucked and cleaned chickens, drove a grain truck, cleaned out stalls and laid fresh bedding, used a front end loader or planted, weeded and harvested a garden or field of any sort…

… you’ve lost any significant amount of weight and committed to any sort of a regular physical activity routine… AND maintained both for over one years… you go girl!

… you used your lunch hour from work to assist your child’s teacher in hosting the Valentine’s party… and you stayed up until 11:45pm baking and frosting pink cupcakes…

… you planned the annual work picnic for 40 employees and their families, complete with games, a campfire and a sing-a-long

… you can change the filter in your furnace, fill the wiper fluid and oil in your car and build any boxed product that comes ‘ready-to-assemble’ in 322 tiny pieces with a Phillips head screwdriver and an Allan key. Move over big boy…

… you had a c-section or appendix out or a tubal and came home from the hospital to a busy family who didn’t understand that you might have needed a little rest…

… you have made soup and a costume for the play, done the ironing, cleaned the toilets and baked banana muffins WHILE you had influenza and a sinus infection….

… you’ve ever caught barf, scrubbed soiled cloth diapers in the toilet, picked out a green slimy booger when a tissue wasn’t handy, mopped up dog piddle or cleaned any type of fish or poultry with your bare hands…

THEN YOU KNOW YOU ARE A REAL WOMAN ON THE RUN!

Today is the first day of the rest of my life.

Happy New Year.
Happy New Beginnings.
Happy Endless Possibilities.


I'm not a full out resolution maker, but I do love the excitement of the new year and the endless possibilities that accompany it. I haven't made any resolutions... and I won't.

However, I do set goals. It's not something I've been doing very long, but it is a process I am enjoying. Basically, my goals are my life plan.

Isn't the New Year a gift? (Actually - isn't each morning a gift? When was the last time you noticed I just love knowing that this day is my opportunity to begin adding onto the life I've built. I love feeling like this pivotal calendar day reminds me that I can do anything I choose to. That each year brings with it the chance to repair, renew, adjust, transform, create, build, love and grow.

Although the past year brought tremendous change, success and growth with it, I 'dropped the ball' on my personal wellness. In an effort to manage deadlines and build the business, I traded away precious personal time. My housework suffered, my 'down' time was minimal, my exercise time (especially in the last 4 months) was practically non-existent.

Then, a few days ago as I was reflecting on the year, I experienced a wave of the potential remorse: time passes by so quickly, how I am making the most of each and every second I am gifted?

How terrible would I feel if I wasn't constantly growing, learning, becoming all that I was meant to be!?

"What you are is God's gift to you. What you become is your gift to God." - Unknown

My exact thought was: 'I don't want to 'wake up' to life one day fifteen years from now and realize that I COULD HAVE done/been more.'

More healthy. More active. More vibrant. More creative. More loving. More inspiring. More alive. MORE.

For example: I don't want to spend the next fifteen years battling 10 stubborn pounds and beating the HELL out of myself because I'm lugging them around. I am 37. Some days I am a couch potato. Most days my job demands that I am plopped in front of a computer. But I don't want to be.

Although, losing 20 pounds in three months isn't going to bring me longterm happiness, a committment to daily activity of some kind and better food choices is something that will increase the quality (and possibly quantity of my days)

I know what my body is capable of. I know the way it moves and the way I feel when I am happy and healthy and active. I KNOW that I am nowhere NEAR the woman I can be. I know that my heart and lungs and muscles deserve more. I know my butt could look better in my jeans and I KNOW that the roll over my pants means my body is not at its best.

So, what prevents me from gifting physical wellness to myself?

I'm bloody lazy. That's what.

The way I see it, God willing, I've got about 40 years left in me... I can do it the hard way, or the easy way.

The Hard Way: work, committment, self-discipline, time, energy, dedication.
The Easy Way: change nothing. No extra work or time. More free time in front of the TV. Eat what I want, day or night. Easy short term, hard long term.

That's just the physical part of me... I won't even get into the emotional, spiritual, professional, mother,wife and woman side...

SO WHAT'S MY POINT?

Today is THE day. This is THE moment. There is no time like the present to be everything I ever dreamed of becoming. It won't happen overnight. It may not be easy. But, what a gift that I have this chance to create whatever I want with the freedom and opportunity that makes up my life.

So, I will continue to ask myself these questions as the year moves through:

Am I present in this moment? (Not hanging in the past, not worrying about tomorrow)
Am I growing, learning, creating? (I am the one who is writing my life story... I hold the pen.)
Am I happy and grateful? (I am blessed with hope, faith and love.)
What am I doing to do that will allow me to be the BEST ME I can be RIGHT NOW? (Every action is a choice. How am I choosing to live right now? I can do it the easy way or the hard way)

Just because I am where I am right now... doesn't mean that's where I have to stay.

Today is the first day of the rest of my life.
Happy, Lucky Me.
Happy New Year.


"Ships in harbour are safe. But that's not what ships were built for." - Unknown