Two days in a row.
Two different pairs of pants.
Both tighter than they were the last time that I put them on.

I think it is a rip-off that we spend our winter and spring preparing for summer holidays and swimsuit season only to spend the fall and winter losing the weight we put on throughout the summer.

I shouldn't be getting bigger. After all, I have been perspiring heavily in the 30 plus degree heat. And I have been on my bike. A couple of times. And there was that one time I forced myself to get out of bed and walk around the lake.

IT'S NOT FAIR!

I just came back from the lake. I haven't been wearing 'real' clothes. A bathing suit has too much stretch to it.... I didn't realize that I was expanding daily. Why would I? I've been eating really well. All that fresh summer fruit. And crisp veggies and dip.

The hot dogs.
Hamburgers.
With Kraft singles.
And potato salad.
Macaroni salad.

Ketchup chips.
Dill Pickle chips.
Freezies.

Two nights at the ice cream shop.
Buttered popcorn.
Sunflower seeds on the beach.
A cooler every afternoon in the sunshine.
Fruit loops for breakfast.

Pork tenderloin smothered in maple barbecue sauce.
Hot buttered corn on the cob.
Potatoes with sour cream and bacon bits.
Baked beans.

Tortilla chips and tzatziki.
Revellos.

Oh, and I guess I did eat a 1/4 of a vanilla cream slab cake over the three days following my Grandmother's 85th birthday party.

Okay, Okay! So I am to blame for my own subtle expansion. It's no wonder when I add up all the stuff that I've been shoveling into my face. I am SOOOO ready for the routine of fall. Everyone is back at school and work; our family meals are reasonable and routine. I am up early and in bed at a decent hour and I enjoy getting to the gym in my daily routine.

But why? WHY? WHY does it take six months to take off 8 stinkin' pounds and less than a month to add 10? And why, oh why was I born with the metabolism of a sloth and the willpower of a pickpocket?

Over the last few days, the international, North American, Canadian and even local news agencies are broadcasting and printing the world's top news stories complete with Lindsay Lohan's mug shot and details regarding her DUI arrest and cocaine possession charge.

Paris Hilton has served her jail time for her DUI offense and has come out a changed woman. She was even pictured most demurely on the cover of people magazine wearing a matronly smock with an ivory scarf tied around her neck. Something along the lines of 'why I am a changed woman and why you should believe me' crap written on the cover.

Britney (oh poor Britney... the downfall of a pop princess) continues to dominate headlines with bizarre behavior. If a young woman acted that nutty out of the Hollywood spotlight, children would be apprehended into state or provincial care. It is terribly sad to see such a young bright and talented person be engulfed in the crazy despair and demons of celebrity-dom.

It isn't the first time.
Michael Jackson?
Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen.

Nicole Ritchie is rumored to be pregnant and has now been sentanced to 90 hours for DUI offense as well. Her very public battle with rumored anorexia or bulemia as well as the catfights and interchangeable boyfriends appears to leave the public begging for more. A 'friend' is quoted as saying "This ordeal has put the fear of God into Nicole."

God had nothing to do with where these girls are at. In fact, I'd start praying.

What is it about celebrity chaos that mesmerizes our society?
Why do we put so much focus on Youth? Fashion? Beauty? Wealth?

Even if you don't follow tabloid stories while in the checkout line, you must hear it on the radio or read it in the paper now and then.

The self-destruction level is over the top. Lindsay Lohan was quoted somewhere as saying that she "always wanted to be a pin-up girl" and that she idolized Marilyn Monroe. Let's hope that she gets a handle on the way Marilyn's sad and lonely life ended up and makes a decision to clear it up.

Maxim Magazine named Lindsay Lohan 2007's Hottest Woman a couple of months ago. It would seem she is well on her way to achieving the goal of pin-up.

WHAT IS THE MATTER WITH US?

Since when did crazy, selfish, spoiled, pathetic, drug addicted, alcoholic, out-of-contol behavior combined with a lack of remorse and zero accountability become desireable. We've created a monster. (That's a collective 'We')

Glamour Magazine published a quote in August's issue (the one with Jennifer Lopez on it) that says that children born since 1982 are the most self-absorbed... it's being touted as 'Generation ME'.

All signs and symbols seem to point to the truth in that statement.

We've got a culture full of teens and young adults who are riddled with piercings and tattoos; who are accustomed to having instant gratification in the form of cellphones, games, cars, clothes, music, movies, internet; who are living at home because they don't have the drive, desire or need to make their own money; who are worried more now than ever about the brandname on their backs and where the party is; who bear witness daily to unrealistic examples of success and ambition and shameful role models of adulthood and independence.

Holy Toledo Radar...
When did I become an angry feminist?

But it's TRUE.

P.S - I realize not all teens and young adults think or act this way... and that not every tattooed and pierced person is self-absorbed and shallow or the devil himself. But what's it really all about? If it's just a fad it will be a little harder to forget than flourescent fingerless gloves and legwarmers.

but you could please stop spamming my blogs with porn links?...


HEY! It's BIG business! And businesses NEED to advertise. They might as well do it for FREE. They need to reach websurfers and readers that could be tempted to click on...

I know!... How about linking themselves to blogs the world over... Especially to ones with 99.9% all women readership. It makes us soooooo happy.

The Indexed Web contains at least 15.76 billion pages (as found on http://www.worldwidewebsize.com/). I'd like to know what estimated percentage of those sites are linked to 'adult entertainment'.

The internet is no doubt a powerful tool. You can research the world's leading edge information in health, finances, science, technology. You may travel 'virtually' the world over and see shores your tender tooties will never touch. And you can find AAAaaaannnnnyyyything else you could possibly want to look for.

Most times without intending to.

My daughter was 12 at the time. She had an appointment to have her hair cut but wasn't sure what she was going to do with her hair, so I suggested she google image search the words 'short hair' to see what ideas come up. She, being almost 13, innocently added the word 'teen'. Horrified, she called to me, apologizing profusely. It wasn't her fault, but those three little words brought up hundreds of thousands of sites bearing all kinds of ideas. Only the top three sites she received in her websearch that day were all adult sites featuring young women and girls.

Think of how many young children are on the computer unsupervised everyday. Better yet, spend a half an hour typing in key words and see what websites come available to you. Spend some time playing on the internet. See how painfully easy it is to dig up anything and EVERYthing from child pornography to crime scene and morgue photos. I highly encourage you (especially if you are a parent of middle age and teenage children - but even if you're not) to see exactly how easy it is for children to come across inappropriate, unsafe and explicit content.

Now times that by even one hour a day spent on the computer times seven days a week.

Now imagine that your pre-teen has open access day and night in the privacy of their own bedroom.

Now add a webcam.

Do you think your child would NEVER seek out nudity or sex on the internet?

Well, let me ask you this? Did you ever play 'doctor' or 'house' with the neighbor kid when you were little?

The internet is the modern day equivalent of 'doctor' only it is a more sinister version played with strangers. ADULT strangers.

Think I am exaggerating?

Check out a few related statistics from www.blazinggrace.org.


* At 13.3 billion, the 2006 revenues of the sex and porn industry in the U.S. are bigger than the NFL, NBA and Major League Baseball combined. Worldwide sex industry sales for 2006 are reported to be 97 billion. To put this in perspective, Microsoft, who sells the operating system used on most of the computers in the world (in addition to other software) reported sales of 44.8 billion in 2006. Internet Filter Review
(I MUST ADMIT, I AM A LITTLE SURPISED ABOUT THIS ONE... MOSTLY BECAUSE I THOUGHT PROFESSIONAL ATHLETES WERE THE MOST GROSSLY OVERPAID PEOPLE)

* 60% of all website visits are sexual in nature. MSNBC Survey 2000

* The No. 1 search term used at search engine sites is the word “sex”. Users searched for “sex” more than other terms such as "games," "travel," "music," "jokes," "cars," "weather," "health" and "jobs" combined. The study also found that "pornography/porno" was the fourth-most searched for subject. Alexa Research (THE NUMBER ONE SEARCH TERM?

* 77% of online visitors to adult content sites are male. Their average age is 41 and they have an annual income of $60,000. 46% are married. Forrester Research Report, 2001

* Hollywood currently releases 11,000 adult movies per year – more than 20 times the mainstream movie production. LA Times Magazine, 2002. (AND THEY ARE ALL DOUBLE D RATED... HA)

* 1/3 of 13 year old boys in Alberta, Canada admitted to viewing porn.
From a University of Alberta Study, March 2007, as reported by thegatewayonline.ca. (Hmmm... my son is 14... ack

* 87% of university students are having sex over webcams, instant messenger or the telephone. Reuters, Ontario Canada, February 16, 2006. (RESEARCH IT YOURSELF - SEE HOW EASY IT IS TO FIND.)

* 17% of all women struggle with porn addiction. * 1 of 3 visitors to all adult websites are women. * 9.4 million women access adult websites every month. Internet Filter Review (I NEVER SAID WE WERE INNOCENT)

* 42 percent of surveyed adults indicated that their partner’s use of pornography made them feel insecure. Marriage Related Research, Mark A. Yarhouse, Psy.D. Christian Counseling Today, 2004 Vol. 12 No. 1. (DUH...YA THINK?

Scary thought. Not every parent is internet savvy.

Even if you are internet savvy, your child could certainly 'one-up' you in this day and age. Do you know what your internet security options are?

Painfully, me neither. But I know someone who will and over the next few months a young technology buff by the name of Jaimie-Lee Wicentowich is going to provide us with some internet safety advice and security options. I'm looking forward to it.

In the meantime...

TO REAL WOMAN ON THE RUN READERS: My apologies for the SPAM that arrives in the form of comments and trackbacks in the blogs from time to time. I am doing my best to have the hosting company correct the problem. Thanks for your understanding.)

Welcome to our Cross Canada Adventure!

[ more.. ]

I had tea the other night with one of my sisters, her sister-in-law, and her life-long best friend. Between the four of us, we make a diverse enough group: one single mom, one married, two remarried and blended families. ALL holding strong opinions. Well, three of us anyways.

This is what I love about women. (I am such a talker.) I LOVE when women get together to share what is happening in their own lives; what's working, what's not. What makes them happy, what stresses them out, what drives them absolutely crazy. It is a gold mine for all who partake in the conversation. Everyone gets time to share their little tidbits... some share more than others. When the conversations end, if successful, all should come away feeling heard, validated and a little more refreshed. Usually the conversation encompasses a laugh, a rant and a rave or two, sometimes even the occasional tear (or all out breakdown).

So our own conversation darted about; summer plans, mutual acquaintances, jobs and stressors, husbands or lack thereof, family, parenting.

Three of the four of us are parenting pre-teens and teenagers. It is uncharted territory. All our firsts, or onlys, but we were able to laugh at each others stories of parenting struggles with developing young adults.

I've said before, I try to live by the parenting code that the single goal of parenting is to raise a functional adult. Someone who will be successful at living and loving and in turn, eventually raising the next generation. I personally find it difficult to always remember that code. It is very easy to lose sight of the 'carrot' when I am the donkey trudging along step by step. I also find it difficult to remember that it is a normal stage in growth and development to have pre-teens and teens that cannot see outside themselves.

Teenage years are 'all about me'. 'What do I want? How do I feel? How can I feel better? How come noone likes me? How come you always pick on me? How come I don't have a boyfriend? How come my boobs aren't as big (or little) as Jessica So&So? Why won't my mom let me get my nose-pierced? She is so mean... after all I am 13!! Why can't I hang out with all my other 14 year old friends in the 7-11 parking lot?' I am sure you get the point. After all, we were all 13 once... only by the time I even THOUGHT about questioning my parents reasons for anything or talking back, I was 17.

With all that in mind, back to our conversation. During the topic of parenting, the conversation veered to the highly sensitive and emotionally charged topic of discipline. What do you do when 1-2-3 Magic doesn't work anymore? When groundings and timeouts get left behind with tinker toys and barbie dolls? Eventually the conversation rolled into: How do you feel about spanking? Or a knuckle-rap on the top of the head? How about a light kick in the rump with the instep of your foot.

As a child I would get a light boot on the bottom for messing up. Or a flick on the top of the head when I wasn't paying attention. My husband's mother (there were 9 children in his family) made them cut their own switch from the bushes out front of their house and bare-butt whooped them when they were out of hand. In spite of rubbing the occasional sore butt cheek, I believe for the most part we turned out to good adults, parents and citizens. Those disciplinary actions did NOT mean I was not abused. It was simply the appropriate lesson in cause and effect. Of choice and consequence. And it worked.

The same was to be said for schools. There was a respect for teachers. There was a general diligence and calmness in the classrooms. There was in fact, a little teensy bit of fear that kept you in line. Not mortal fear, fight or flight signaling serious danger, but the fear of just consequences for crumby behavior.

Chances were if you messed up at school and came from the average household you were probably MORE worried about what would happen to you when you got home. Don't get me wrong, there was always a jackass or two, but the teachers were in a position to remove students who refused to cooperate and they were allowed to honor themselves and protect themselves as well as other students from witnessing unnecessary outbursts.

And then as my sister's good friend so truthfully stated, 'the pendulum swung the other way.' And it got stuck there.

Now parents are hesitant to discipline their children in grocery stores when they are having a temper tantrum for fear that a stranger will judge their parenting or worse yet report them. I would bet that almost any adult over 35 or 40, if waiting in line behind me in the grocery checkout when my four year old decides to go off like a siren because I won’t buy her gum, is secretly wishing I'd lift that child up and ‘give her something to cry about.’

I'm not a spanker. I'm a talker. A rationalizer. A privilege remover.

I realize all children are not difficult all the time. I don't believe that physical discipline is a good solution or 'consequence' for bad behavior or poor choices. However I also don't believe that we have done our children any favours by empowering them with a status that prevents parents from raising and disciplining their children in a reasonable and responsible way.

There is so much positive to be learned from rules, boundaries and consequences. Even as adults, a little bit of fear and consequence is what keeps us from doing really stupid stuff.

As I mentioned above, this is a highly sensitive subject. And I am by no means, suggesting that physical discipline is an answer to raising children in challenging moments. And I do realize that there are situations where authorities MUST be called for the safety of the children. That is a whole other blog.

However, I wonder if we aren't just beginning to see the full impact of our 'inaction'. While I don't personally advocate physical discipline as a way to guide and correct inappropriate behavior, I also don’t believe that a child, 9 or 16, should be able to tell an adult to stick it up their ass and be justified by society at large to do so.

Society encourages parents to tell your child how you feel when they use hurtful words. Rationalize. Compromise. Empathize. Victimize.

And when that doesn't work parents are encouraged to take away the child's Nintendo DS, IPOD, portable personal DVD player and cell phone.

Yikes.

Talk about a downer day.

The sky was heavy and gray yesterday. Enormous clouds moving quickly, dense with rain, colors of grays and blues and black and white. Some wind.

I got up yesterday morning and nothing felt right. I would have rather pinched my husband than look at him. It had very little to do with him and everything to do with me. It felt like my kids were tap dancing on my very last shredded tiny stringy nerve. I was overly emotional and overly sensitive. No it wasn't PMS or my period. It was just ME.

I was exhausted from burning the candle at both ends. And on top of all that, the day was spitty and dreary and cool. It's amazing how the weather can influence your mood. If it had been sunny, I would've still be bitchy but at least I could throw on the sprinkler or haul kids to the beach for a couple hours.

So how could I improve this?

Sleep.
TLC.

(Giant pause. - I'm thinking.)

Medication. (kidding)

Oh, or a run.

Some days I think I have to allow myself to wallow, just for a bit. I try to think of my ups and downs like waves. If I am in a low for a day or two (or sometime a few days) I must remember that 'This too shall pass.' I know this about me: I just have to ride the wave, knowing that the natural progression of being low is to come back up. Nothing stays low forever. It is just the way things are. It might feel like I'll never feel happy or sane again, but I know I will. So, if I need to ride it out and be a little depressive, cranky and moody I KNOW inherently that tomorrow things will look better.

I ALWAYS tell my children when they are overtired, teary and worried at bedtime (cause that's when children get that way). "You are just really tired. Your body is begging for rest. You need to close your eyes and rest your body. THINGS ALWAYS LOOK BETTER IN THE MORNING."

And do you know? They always do.

I've been reading a copy of Anthony Robbin's 'Awaken the Giant Within'. It is a really motivating and positive book filled with techniques for making change and implementing action within your life. It is a long read (519 pages) but it is filled with exercises and ideas that are BRILLIANT. Some parts I have had to read a couple of times, but generally it has made a significant impact on my choices and my thoughts.

Anthony Robbins writes: 'No matter what happens in your life, you've got to be able to believe, 'This too shall pass,' and that if you keep persisting, you'll find a way.'

Big stuff or little stuff.

So, on that note and this down day, in that tiny sentence I find my wave up.

" It is the mind that maketh good of ill, that maketh wretch or happy, rich or poor." - Edmund Spenser

Okay - sorry. DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY PEOPLE HAVE BEEN ASKING ME WHY I HAVEN'T BLOGGED?

I could give you a line of excuses.

I was on holidays... oops, darn you've heard that one already.

My home computer has been giving me a major headache. (THIS one is really true. I am in the process of buying a new one

I have been promoting the heck out of the September issue. (This one too is true.)

My children are at home. FOUR. This means shared computer time, friends coming and going and consistent snacks, meals, playdates, park tours and household chores. I think I mentioned before, not everyone LOVES summer holidays. A few of us in this household included.

UPDATE: September's issue has pretty much been put to bed. I am waiting on a couple of items from contributors, but generally speaking, it is ready for print. I am really excited for you to see it.

Hmmm, let's see... what else is new? Weeellll, my best girlfriend has been at the cottage for ten days and I haven't spoken with her for longer than that. I am past withdrawal now. It is more like the depression that comes after the shakes and the vomitting that accompany kicking the habit. I had planned to book a week to go to Halifax to see her. DID YOU KNOW that it costs $1200 to fly from Calgary to Halifax and yet you can go to Vegas for $299? Needless to say, with a family vacation coming up and a new computer, Peggy's Cove is not in the budget.

I better warn you now. I leave for the lake next Thursday and will not be back in the office until Friday July 27. HOWEVER... that is the beauty of blogging. I will try to postdate some stuff, so you have something to come back to and read.

Me and you, we've got lots of catching up to do.

Off and running to Edmonton today.

It's finally here... (I am a few days late blogging - sorry) the day that school children everywhere long for: the last day of school until September.

Hooray!!! It's SUMMER HOLIDAYS!

Don't feel guilty if your shoulders slumped just a little when I wrote that.

Not every mother relishes the thought of having her gorgeous busy children home for the entire summer. Not every family jumps in the 60 foot RV and roars off to the beachy sunset. Not every child WANTS 60 days with nothing to do. And not every family can afford to (financially or otherwise) book summer camps, playdates and daytrips to Discovery Canyon.

My family fits into the 'all of the above' category. I must be honest. I LOVE my children, and I love that they LOVE their summer holidays... but I don't always love having four kids at home during the summer.

Our holidays will zoom by at record pace. We will vacation a little together. We've got 10 days at the lake and two family reunions to attend. My older two will travel across the province to visit some of their extended family and my husband and I will continue to work. My younger two will make occasional trips to their favorite caregivers house where they will go to the park, jump on the trampoline and be treated like royalty. We'll squeeze in numerous day trips to local lakes and parks, try to get in a day or two of fishing and enjoy the sunshine.

My oldest wants to get a job. His first real job. He wants to earn some money for fall and is eager to test out his wings. He also wants a month at the lake with his cousins and a couple weeks to skateboard, play video games, hang out with friends and go visit his birth father. This is a taste of adulthood. He's realizing he can't do it all. He must pick and prioritize. What's most important? What will he forgo?

My second oldest is content to do very little. But within a the week, I will be driven out of my mind with the ringing of the telephone and whimpery friend withdrawal. Thirteen is a tough age. Girlfriends begin to stick like glue and we'll all experience her severe summer separation anxiety.

My third is the hardest to keep happy. Not only is she an A-personality and over-achiever but she is so physically active that for a day to pass without three to six laps around the local lake trails on her bike, an hour on the monkey bars and eight hours of school and extracurricular activities to keep her occupied, she gets seriously bored. This is turn aggrivates the hell out of me. She is seven. I am not complaining about her activity level. In fact, if I could simply adopt her way of living, I would not have to worry about the extra weight I carry. There would be none. I might look ridiculous skipping everywhere but I'd be darn skinny.

My littlest one is easy to please. She will be content to follow her siblings, eat the occasional popsicle and get to the beach once or twice. Barbies in the sandbox is her idea of an afternoon well spent.

Meanwhile, I will dash in and out of the house between work and home and try not to be governed by the summer guilt. (yes Holly - I realize 'Guilt is a useless emotion!') You know, the guilt that comes with having to work even though your children are begging you to take them to the lake. The guilt that comes from not wanting to run my ass off to get them to gymnastics say camps and art classes between sales calls and work deadlines.

Instead, I will come home to wet towels slapped on the laundry room floor from the sprinkler, an empty refrigerator and popcorn ground into the carpet, only to start a hotdog barbecue supper with a side of Lay's Dill Pickle Chips and corn on the cob. Bedtime will run too late and I will spend the majority of my evening crouched over my sweet little garden flowers waving my arms to rid myself of the mosquitoes like a horse swishing its tail in the pasture.

And I will enjoy every little minute of it. Too soon I will be lamenting the start of new school routines and the bustle of busy schedules. So what if we eat late? So what if I do eight more loads of sandy laundry a week? I guess I could hang them to dry. And what's the big deal if we stay up late together and watch a movie or two?

Summer may not be routine or even relaxing, but it is play time. Down time. We don't have to be busy and occupied year round. Sometimes we have to stop running the rat race. It's okay be forced to be bored. To lie in the sun and drink lemonade and read a trashy novel. To sleep late and let our bodies heal. The splash in the lake and eat easy meals. To miss your friends and your schedule.

My husband is in his summer glory. He's at home today whipper-snippering the hell out of our lawn and spending a sunfilled afternoon playing with the girls. He just called to say he's BBQing pork tenderloin for dinner but will wait to start it till I get home. He's got a cooler on ice for me. This week is supposed to hit 33. No rain in sight. That means a couple of hot days that will be well spent on the sand.

Hooray!! It's summer holidays!!