But I am on 'holidays' right now... we packed up at 8:00 Saturday morning and drove nine hours with four kids to my Out-Laws place in Saskatchewan. You know what that is like; at least four suitcases, two backpacks, shoes, crayons, paper and coloring books, MP3 players, toys, books, snacks, drinks, and at least one pee-break per person. Meal stops and stretch breaks. We arrived at my husband's folk's house at around supper time and while they are lovely, calm and generous people, we are sleeping in strange beds, living out of the suitcases, trying to keep up with picking up toys in the kids spaces and tripping over each other in a battle to get to the one teensy bathroom on the main floor.
I know I am supposed to be resting and still; re-filling my cup. It is a 'holiday'. I am supposed to be able to lay in front of the TV, play in the nearest park with my kids and sleep in as late as I want to. I told my friends before I left home: 'I am taking my runners and my sweatpants, and I will be running and sleeping.' BAH! What was I thinking?!? Although my routine has changed and my pace is slower, my mind continues to roll on at a hundred miles an hour.
Because I am so passionate about my work, I am missing my office. I am aware of upcoming deadlines and things that I need to be doing. I thought I would be able to work from the computer here and get SOOOOO much done, but I can't find five freakin' minutes where someone isn't looking for me, the kids aren't fighting over the Dollar Store toys, and I don't feel obligated to be visiting instead of working, reading and researching.
The work isn't going anywhere. It will still be waiting for me when I return home in a few days. I should just put it all away and focus on being present in this moment.
WHERE IS MY BLOODY OFF SWITCH?
I will never get this moment back. These minutes right now that I am madly typing away, listening to conversations in the kitchen and laughter among family. My girls are arguing over toys and I have been yelling over my shoulder at them to 'stop it, or I'll send you downstairs to play!' Meanwhile, I have been trying to squeeze in reading and researching in any spare moment, wishing I was anywhere but here. Exactly where I should be.
How sad.
Sometimes being a real woman on the run means going so hard and so fast all the time that we lose sight of what is really important at the end of the race. Keeping up with the Jones', being the top achiever in the company, balancing more than anybody else, having more, being more, accumulating more. None of it REALLY matters.
I've got to slow down and enjoy the ride. Every moment that I rush around trying to accomplish, achieve and complete, I miss the here and now.
This moment, I am missing watching my children play with their elderly grandparents. I am missing the laughter and the sharing of stories at the kitchen table. I am missing out on sharing a cup of coffee with the love of my life. I am so wrapped up in 'running the rat-race' that I haven't even paid attention to the view as I race on by.
As important as this project is to me, I will not get it all done this week. All my software programs are on my home computer. All my team is enjoying Spring Break with their family. All I am doing right now is stealing my time away from the people I love. Not once has my husband said, 'shut down and come be with your family.' He is so supportive of this magazine that he knows that I am madly reading and writing; scheming and dreaming. My children are waiting for me, patiently, to come join them in their play. My Out-Laws, who are old and WISE, probably wonder what the hell could be so important that I disappear so frequently into a book, a pad of paper or the computer.
Life continues on whether I am present or not. I don't want to miss the moments. My work will still be here when I get home on Friday.
This moment won't.
I think I found the off switch.
You won't hear from me again this week.
I'm on holidays.
