Where are the Size Large Panties?

I was underwear shopping today. One of my least favorite things to do.

Stand semi naked under florescent lighting in a dusty commercial carpeted upright coffin. I can hardly stretch my arms out with banging my elbow. God forbid I have to lift a knee to try on a stinking pair of pants.

Like my cottage cheese butt needs more bright white light shed on it.

Who the hell designs women's underwear? Without sounding completely obnoxious; I wonder how many men, gay or straight, are behind the joke.

And why can't we find something that isn't completely yanked up my crack without going directly to an old big bum granny girdle.

Like boy cut panties. Low rise, low hip, no cotton lining anywhere to whisk away moisture and prevent me from getting a rip-roaring-raging-want-to-scratch-down-there-with-a-wire-brush yeast infection.

(Am I making you uncomfortable? Sorry.)

But seriously, whoever decided to cut and join two pieces of four-inch wide elastic lace and call them panties has never had a child, let alone four. Or a c-section. There is a flabby white pooch that hangs between my belly-button and my pubic line that doesn't need something else to flubber over.

I swear its the same bastard that developed push-up bras made of t-shirt material. Any woman over a B cup must find it difficult to get good dollar value and support out of a LaS***a brazziere.

And WHERE are all the LARGE size panties?

I must have looked through six hundred pairs of panties today, all size medium or small. Take a look around sister. There are not many women over thirty in the 'x-small' and 'small' panty pile. So WHY are they the only ones I can find. (Up until I said it outloud I hadn't even considered that maybe we already bought them all.)

But even the 'larges' I did find, barely look big enough to fit my 13 year old daughter.

What a crying shame that we, full grown beautiful women that we are, must obey the whim of fashion and succomb to the trends that are developed and modeled on fourteen year olds on the runway.

I'm on the hunt for sexy real woman panties. When I find them - you'll be the FIRST to know.

Until then....

P.S - I finally settled on three pairs of cotton with a hint of lycra, boy cuts in charcoal, grey and black. (YAWN) And I will say that when I try to forget about the up-the-butt-fit and suck in the overhangy pooch, they feel okay.