Most days, we take each other for granted. Career, finances, parenting, committments. He rushes in, I dash out. We put each other on the 'back burner' while we 'put out fires'. I've discovered when we haven't connected emotionally, on a deep level (as in rebuilding the importance of our FRIENDship within the marriage), and we've bypassed the needs of the other (for physical closeness and communication), I usually start to feel like, 'What the hell do I need him for? I am SUPERwoman!!!!!'
And then my superhero cape snags on the heel of my Steve Madden stiletto and I totally crash and burn.
Then guess who dutifully, with a great deal of love and tenderness, picks me up, dusts me off, and straightens my cape?
Yup. You guessed it. My good man.
Exhaustion plays a lead role in my demise and when I finally crash and burn emotionally, it isn't pretty.
What happens when I 'crash'? Mostly I am bloody tired. It starts with endless weeks and even months of working, living, parenting and WORKing some more, without much time for relaxation or connection. Eventually my body and mind says... ''I've been trying to get you to slow down and rest, but YOU'RE NOT listening TO ME! So I'll do it for you."
And then it starts. (usually at about 11:36pm)
I bawl.
I babble.
I make no sense.
I wipe my nose on my shirt.
I become a child.
I am irrational.
All of my fears and old crap comes up.
I sob.
I worry.
I use run-on sentances that cover eleven topics.
I get mad at myself.
I get mad at others.
I feel frustrated.
I mourn.
When I hit bottom, I am PURGING EVERYTHING.
(Isn't that the only way to come back ready to move forward again?
And there is my good man.
Listening.
Reassuring.
Calm.
Rational.
Supportive.
Patient.
Gentle.
He rubs my back and tries to calm me down.
He hands me Kleenex and doesn't get grossed out over the boogers.
He tells me how proud he is of me.
He tells me how much he loves me.
He tries to balance out all my worries.
He has heard ALL my stuff before. Some of it NUMEROUS times. He is smart enough to let me crash and be a real wreck, knowing full well that when I am done doing what it is I need to do, I will pick myself up, dust myself off and start moving forward again.
In the everyday moments, when work, kids and life takes over our marriage, it can be easy to forget why I am so lucky. And then, right when I need him most, he comes through and reminds me how blessed I am that he loves a total freak like me...
I mean...
He reminds me how blessed I am. He loves me like no other ever could. I couldn't find a better match for me, even if I searched the whole world over.
My good man.