"You can direct your thoughts and control your emotions, and thus regulate your attitude. You can choose whether your attitude will be positive or negative." W. Clement Stone, Author
Two of the most stimulating and thought provoking books I've read lately are The Power of Now by Eckheart Tolle and Success Through A Positive Mental Attitude by Napoleon Hill and W.Clement Stone.
I subscribe to the belief that positive attitude and positive energy is far more powerful than negativity. Lately, I have been challenging myself to be in control of my emotions and my responses - as a personal experiment of sorts.
Yesterday, I stood in line with other parents, students and teachers at the local high school to register my son for the new school year. The first of two line ups moved fairly quickly - reviewing the schedules, the courses, the terms and making block changes. Then we moved to the computer entry line up - where two women were specifically entering changes into the school system. This is where things began to get congested.
The lower floor of the library had a seating section for data entry of changes and a standing line up for fee adjustments. The fee adjustment line up was entirely stalled. Not moving. There were only thirty people or so in the line, but they weren't one bit motivated to keep the line moving. They slumped on chairs, leaned on desks, visited non-chalantly. They were so unmotivated to move the line forward that numerous times people moved directly from the data entry position directly to the front of the fee adjustment line.
BUTTERS. That's exactly what they were.
We had arrived at 10am. It was now 11:20 and most people were exasperated. Slightly agitated. Even frustrated.
An abrupt woman (parent) took 'control' of the lineup - redirecting the people in front of me, pointing to where they needed to be. She spoke fast and pushed the small group to the seating area and then proceeded to assume their place in line...
...in front of me.
She spoke on and on outloud but to noone about how her daughter had a doctors appointment within the hour - like where she needed to be was so much more important that any of the rest of our schedules. I wanted to say to her, 'Look lady, you just butted in front of me and I've been here since 10am too, you know.'
I instantly assumed she was pushy, arrogant, self-centred and bossy. I judged her and decided within only a few moments that I didn't like her. I wanted to confirm that she was rude and abrasive and that she should move back behind me where she came from.
I seethed inside... What.... a..... bitch.
I could have been confrontational. Or I could have raged inside, holding onto my frustration at the stalled line up and my dislike for her.
But instead, I challenged myself and made a choice.
I said nothing. I took a deep breath - and chose to let the negative energy I was feeling towards her go. I visualized my frustration at her floating away from me. I simply chose to let it go. I made no further judgement and did my best to relinquish the disdain I felt for her.
Not even three minutes later, without a word to anyone, she abruptly turned, and disappeared from the line altogether.
And I resumed my original space.
Hmmm. Coincidence?
At 11:45am - I was still standing in the exact same spot. Deep sigh. Back sore. Shouldn't have worn heels. Should have brought a water bottle.
In front of me, a dad and his daughter stood together. She was lovely, with long blond wavy hair, glasses, blue eyes and alabaster skin, with a few teeny freckles. She looked like the kind of girl who was a good kid. A good student. Quiet. A book worm.
Assumptions and judgements. Not good and not bad. Just the kind of assumptions and judgements that we all make when noticing others.
She looked like her dad. He too was blond and had dark skin, with deep, squinty lines around his eyes and a big blond handle bar mustache. He was clean and well dressed, but it was obvious that he was a workin' man. He hands were large and rough and his neck was sunburned.
He groaned now and then. Not loud and obnoxious. But soft and painfully. Occasionally he'd sit when he could find a chair. Or lean on a shelf. He'd rub his hand over his forehead and huff. No one was having fun here. Everyone was tired of waiting. He was, I noticed, getting very close to venting aloud. Each time he moved to sit, he'd look back at me and offer me the opportunity to sit.
"This is ridiculous." He finally said aloud and I could tell he was feeling cranky. Heck, I was feeling cranky. I was ready to walk to the front of the line and say, "Look people, if you want to get out of here, get your asses moving!!" You know the feeling I am talking about. The I-have-some-where-better-to-be-right-now-and-I'd-really-like-to-curse-and-walk-out-but-I'd-only-have-to-come-back-later-and-people-would-think-I-was-a-nut feeling.
The tension in the room was palpating. We all were feeling very the same way. It was a quiet tension. A growing dissatisfaction.
He stretched, softly groaned and moved to sit down again. Then turned to me and said, "Are you sure you wouldn't like to take a seat?"
I had a choice.
I could have said no or remained silent, or cursed the lineup and stoked his agitation.
But instead, I smiled and said,"No thanks, every once in a while, I hear you groan and it sounds like back pain. You need it more than me."
He instantly warmed. And relaxed. We made small talk. I teased him about this time in the line up being quality time with his daughter and he explained to me that he was a single dad. Her mom had been killed in a car accident almost nine years ago and he'd been raising her on his own.
And as the mood changed. The energy changed. It shifted from congested and heavy and silent to light and free-flowing and friendly.
And the line up started to move. And within 15 minutes we were all through.
Negative energy feeds and grows on negative thoughts, actions and words. But positive energy, thoughts, actions and words are far more powerful. (That's why good always ultimately triumphs over evil, you know.)
It could be coincidence, or that I simply lost track of time visiting with someone, but I'd like to think that the choice I made to control my emotions and my reactions made all the difference.