You'd think by child number four, I'd have it all figured out.
My fourth child will be five years old this year. She is 'the baby'. Like many other parents before me have done; I've tried to hang on to her 'babyhood' for as long as possible. Delighting in her every new experience. Her cute facial expressions. My husband and I still take turns (nightly) getting out of bed at two or four a.m. for trips to the bathroom, chilly shoulders, a drink of water, nightmares or an itchy back. We deal with things like kinked necks and chiropractors on a regular basis and she gets her way... at meal times, at playtimes and at bedtimes.
Her older siblings dote on her as much. She has been hauled around, snuggled, babied, cuddled, coddled and cooed over for the last almost five years. We have enjoyed every moment, but it is now getting out of hand. She is one smart cookie. She's got it all figured out. Whine and look what happens. Pout and someone jumps. Moan and there is a desired reaction. Pose and watch them say awwww! I can't blame her for her behavior. I 've created a monster! I have done her no favor by allowing certain patterns to develop.
Over fourteen years, my mantra as a parent has progressed from: 'What the hell am I doing?' to 'Learning curve straight up' to Survive today!' to 'I can manage this.' to
'I'm doing a pretty good job of being a parent.'
That eventual confidence luckily didn't become cockiness or complacency. Somewhere along the way I discovered certain truths about parenthood. I grew and those discoveries about parenting and my own self, lead to the development of my current mantra:
The single goal of parenthood is to raise a contributing, functional adult.
I forget that now and then (cause I'm human) and I let things slide. At the end of a long workday, it can be easier to give in to a whine than to buck up and enforce the rules. When I have been gone to meetings three nights in a row and guilt gets the better of me, I tend to overcompensate with lower expectations. When I am overloaded mentally, taxed physically and drained emotionally, it is easier to bribe her with play, give in to her demands, offer what she wants. But it isn't what she NEEDS.
It may seem easier at that moment, but I pay the price for cutting corners in the short term and she will pay the price in the longterm. What am I teaching her by giving in to every whimper, pout and whine? By babying her along; allowing her to remain small? What do any of us gain by staying small? In thought, in word, in action?
Short term; instant gratification. Long term; unrealistic and self-centred expectations.
Hmmm. Hard now or hard later?
What do I want for her?
For me?
It's time to encourage the baby to grow up a little bit.
It is the way I can love her the most.
My fourth child will be five years old this year. She is 'the baby'. Like many other parents before me have done; I've tried to hang on to her 'babyhood' for as long as possible. Delighting in her every new experience. Her cute facial expressions. My husband and I still take turns (nightly) getting out of bed at two or four a.m. for trips to the bathroom, chilly shoulders, a drink of water, nightmares or an itchy back. We deal with things like kinked necks and chiropractors on a regular basis and she gets her way... at meal times, at playtimes and at bedtimes.
Her older siblings dote on her as much. She has been hauled around, snuggled, babied, cuddled, coddled and cooed over for the last almost five years. We have enjoyed every moment, but it is now getting out of hand. She is one smart cookie. She's got it all figured out. Whine and look what happens. Pout and someone jumps. Moan and there is a desired reaction. Pose and watch them say awwww! I can't blame her for her behavior. I 've created a monster! I have done her no favor by allowing certain patterns to develop.
Over fourteen years, my mantra as a parent has progressed from: 'What the hell am I doing?' to 'Learning curve straight up' to Survive today!' to 'I can manage this.' to
'I'm doing a pretty good job of being a parent.'
That eventual confidence luckily didn't become cockiness or complacency. Somewhere along the way I discovered certain truths about parenthood. I grew and those discoveries about parenting and my own self, lead to the development of my current mantra:
The single goal of parenthood is to raise a contributing, functional adult.
I forget that now and then (cause I'm human) and I let things slide. At the end of a long workday, it can be easier to give in to a whine than to buck up and enforce the rules. When I have been gone to meetings three nights in a row and guilt gets the better of me, I tend to overcompensate with lower expectations. When I am overloaded mentally, taxed physically and drained emotionally, it is easier to bribe her with play, give in to her demands, offer what she wants. But it isn't what she NEEDS.
It may seem easier at that moment, but I pay the price for cutting corners in the short term and she will pay the price in the longterm. What am I teaching her by giving in to every whimper, pout and whine? By babying her along; allowing her to remain small? What do any of us gain by staying small? In thought, in word, in action?
Short term; instant gratification. Long term; unrealistic and self-centred expectations.
Hmmm. Hard now or hard later?
What do I want for her?
For me?
It's time to encourage the baby to grow up a little bit.
It is the way I can love her the most.