That's it. I am a total psychopath.
I feel like a slipped off the very fine parenting tightwire I was walking this morning and plummetted to an ill-behaved, gruesome death of my rationale. I waved and shook my arms and hands over my head. I am pretty sure my head spun around once or twice. I screamed at the top of my lungs. I may have even barked. At the very least, growled low in my throat.
What brought it on?
(sung to the tune of the 12 Days of Christmas)
Six days left til dad is home...
Five hours of sleep!
Four cranky kids,
three mornings of back-to-school,
second day of my period,
a-and wuh-uh-uhne b-i-itchy moooom.
'I don't want to wear pants or long sleeves today.'
'I want to wear the capri pants I wore yesterday and the day before.'
'I don't want to brush my teeth.'
'I don't like these socks, they make my toes feel funny.'
'I don't like turkey or ham sandwiches. (IT IS DAY 3 OF 200 SCHOOL DAYS)
'I don't want my hair in a ponytail.'
'I need you to sign these eleven permission slips.' (Why didn't you ask me last night, when you were in a lump on the couch, instead of this morning, huffing and puffing because you want to leave right NOW
'I need you to pay my $253 in school fees before they give me any of my text books.'
'I need $20 right now for my CTS fees.'
'My sweater is NOT on inside out.'
I am a complete failure. Okay - I FEEL like a failure today.
Nothing wrecks my day faster than beginning my day by feeling frustrated and irritated with my children.
I can't imagine it sets their day off right either.
"Yippee! It's my first day of Kindergarten! Mom just ripped my big brother a new one, made my seven year old sister cry and tore out 327 of my cute little blond hairs while making an impatient pony-tail! Woo-hoo. I'm the luckiest kid in the world!!"
It is just one of those days.
We're ALL over-tired. Starting back to classes is stressful and exhausting, for everyone. Meeting teachers, finding friends and where you belong. New expectations and routines. Internal 'summer holiday' clocks are still keeping kids up at night, and early morning alarm clocks are screeching at them to get out of bed.
Then mom screeches at them until they leave the house.
'Come on, get up, it's 7:10.'
'No, you can't go barefoot in school.'
'But you have to wear your hair out of your eyes, you won't be able to see the board.'
'I can't send peanut butter to school.'
'You need something in your lunch besides snacks.'
'What are you going to take for a drink?'
'Did you take your medicine this morning?'
'The sheets I signed are already in your backpack.'
'I don't care if you are meeting Chelsey at 7:55, take a minute to gather a decent lunch.'
'I will stop in and pay your fees this morning.'
'Did you eat chocolate mini muffins for breakfast? Oh, that's the way for your body to function at its best...'
'Please hurry and eat your cereal.'
'Come get your hair combed.'
'Go brush your teeth.'
'Make sure your lights are off downstairs.'
'For the sixth time, GET YOUR SHOES ON and WAIT AT THE DOOR!'
While all are harmless enough questions, as a reader, be grateful you didn't get them YELLED at you by Sargeant Slaughter this morning.
MOVE YOUR ASS, SOLDIER.
QUIT YER CRYING - GO! GO! GO!
DO YOU HEAR WHAT I AM TELLING YOU?! I SAID YER MOMMA LOVES YOU AND HAVE A NICE DAY!
AND DON"T YOU FORGET IT.
Not too mention you don't get the full effect of furrowed eyebrows and scowl on my face. And the huffs and puffs.
So the rest of my work day will go something like this:
Re-hash the entire morning over and over in my head on high volume with intense visual.
Repeatedly tell myself what a horrible mother I am and binge on the chocolate mini muffins in the cupboard.
Work and feel sorry for myself.
Work and feel sorry for my kids.
We're all only human. They're tired. I'm tired. When they get home after school, I will ask about their day and we'll hug and have a snuggle. I'll apologize for starting the day off so wrong and ask for better cooperation to make the mornings go smoother. They'll try harder for the rest of the day to get their chores done and help clean up the dishes. We'll plan to make lunches the night before, and plan to pick out our clothes so we're ready to go. We'll all fall into bed tonight needing 11 hours of uninterrupted dreamland.
And tomorrow morning, with good intentions, we'll all try to get it right.
Well, at least for the first seven minutes of the day.
I feel like a slipped off the very fine parenting tightwire I was walking this morning and plummetted to an ill-behaved, gruesome death of my rationale. I waved and shook my arms and hands over my head. I am pretty sure my head spun around once or twice. I screamed at the top of my lungs. I may have even barked. At the very least, growled low in my throat.
What brought it on?
(sung to the tune of the 12 Days of Christmas)
Six days left til dad is home...
Five hours of sleep!
Four cranky kids,
three mornings of back-to-school,
second day of my period,
a-and wuh-uh-uhne b-i-itchy moooom.
'I don't want to wear pants or long sleeves today.'
'I want to wear the capri pants I wore yesterday and the day before.'
'I don't want to brush my teeth.'
'I don't like these socks, they make my toes feel funny.'
'I don't like turkey or ham sandwiches. (IT IS DAY 3 OF 200 SCHOOL DAYS)
'I don't want my hair in a ponytail.'
'I need you to sign these eleven permission slips.' (Why didn't you ask me last night, when you were in a lump on the couch, instead of this morning, huffing and puffing because you want to leave right NOW
'I need you to pay my $253 in school fees before they give me any of my text books.'
'I need $20 right now for my CTS fees.'
'My sweater is NOT on inside out.'
I am a complete failure. Okay - I FEEL like a failure today.
Nothing wrecks my day faster than beginning my day by feeling frustrated and irritated with my children.
I can't imagine it sets their day off right either.
"Yippee! It's my first day of Kindergarten! Mom just ripped my big brother a new one, made my seven year old sister cry and tore out 327 of my cute little blond hairs while making an impatient pony-tail! Woo-hoo. I'm the luckiest kid in the world!!"
It is just one of those days.
We're ALL over-tired. Starting back to classes is stressful and exhausting, for everyone. Meeting teachers, finding friends and where you belong. New expectations and routines. Internal 'summer holiday' clocks are still keeping kids up at night, and early morning alarm clocks are screeching at them to get out of bed.
Then mom screeches at them until they leave the house.
'Come on, get up, it's 7:10.'
'No, you can't go barefoot in school.'
'But you have to wear your hair out of your eyes, you won't be able to see the board.'
'I can't send peanut butter to school.'
'You need something in your lunch besides snacks.'
'What are you going to take for a drink?'
'Did you take your medicine this morning?'
'The sheets I signed are already in your backpack.'
'I don't care if you are meeting Chelsey at 7:55, take a minute to gather a decent lunch.'
'I will stop in and pay your fees this morning.'
'Did you eat chocolate mini muffins for breakfast? Oh, that's the way for your body to function at its best...'
'Please hurry and eat your cereal.'
'Come get your hair combed.'
'Go brush your teeth.'
'Make sure your lights are off downstairs.'
'For the sixth time, GET YOUR SHOES ON and WAIT AT THE DOOR!'
While all are harmless enough questions, as a reader, be grateful you didn't get them YELLED at you by Sargeant Slaughter this morning.
MOVE YOUR ASS, SOLDIER.
QUIT YER CRYING - GO! GO! GO!
DO YOU HEAR WHAT I AM TELLING YOU?! I SAID YER MOMMA LOVES YOU AND HAVE A NICE DAY!
AND DON"T YOU FORGET IT.
Not too mention you don't get the full effect of furrowed eyebrows and scowl on my face. And the huffs and puffs.
So the rest of my work day will go something like this:
Re-hash the entire morning over and over in my head on high volume with intense visual.
Repeatedly tell myself what a horrible mother I am and binge on the chocolate mini muffins in the cupboard.
Work and feel sorry for myself.
Work and feel sorry for my kids.
We're all only human. They're tired. I'm tired. When they get home after school, I will ask about their day and we'll hug and have a snuggle. I'll apologize for starting the day off so wrong and ask for better cooperation to make the mornings go smoother. They'll try harder for the rest of the day to get their chores done and help clean up the dishes. We'll plan to make lunches the night before, and plan to pick out our clothes so we're ready to go. We'll all fall into bed tonight needing 11 hours of uninterrupted dreamland.
And tomorrow morning, with good intentions, we'll all try to get it right.
Well, at least for the first seven minutes of the day.
Been there done that have the grey hair to show for it. Thanks for sharing your life with us and reminding us that we are all doing the best we can with each moment we are handed. 
on September 6, 2007, 10:33 am
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