Single Parenthood Sucks

I remember it all too well; the loneliness of being a single parent.

I'm on a refresher course right now. My husband is away Wednesday to Monday. Five nights and six days. The first day for him was 'meetings' and the next four with friends are purely a social call.

And if your hunch is I'm jealous, you guessed right.

I brag about being okay with it (and most moments I am) but secretly I feel abandoned. With each ticking moment that creeps by and every breakfast, lunch, dinner, snack, bath, fight and dirty pair of gitch that hits the laundry pile, my good nature and even-tempered wifely rationale is peeled back, layer by layer, exposing a raw and delicate flesh that will make your eyes water if you get too close.

In other words: Look out.

It's not that I'd rather be anywhere else in the world. I love being a mother. I adore my children. I love watching them laugh, grow, play and learn. I would be lost without them.

But I am beat. And I need a vacation. I too deserve the right to come and go without guilt. Wouldn't it be nice to pick up one morning and decide that you needed five nights away?

Imagine it: dinner at your leisure in a restaurant that doesn't have chicken fingers and fries on the menu... four pillows, a feather duvet and the whole bed to yourself. No alarm clock to zap you out of bed in the morning. Riveting and clever conversation punctuated by laughter over a glass of wine and garlicky buttery appetizers. Clean slacks that don't have yogurt tube handprints smushed into the thigh. A sophisticated hair-doo and make up that was applied with accuracy and time on your side.

Instead, single parenthood, temporary or permanent, as a result of a split OR a traveling spouse, leaves one partner with the exhausting role of two parents. It is a role best accomplished with two capable individuals sharing the work load. And yet the world is populated with single parent families, depleted and drained.

Thank goodness two of my four are old enough to assist in the major clean up, some of the cooking and a few minutes of babysitting so that I don't have to take everyone to the grocery store with me when I need 30 minutes alone. (My sweet Lord, how did I cope with two babies and very little respite

Imagine the response she would get if a woman said, 'Hey Honey... I'm heading out of town for five days.' However, she would have followed that statement closely with:

'There is a calendar on the fridge outlining the school/extracurricular schedule for the next four days. Don't worry, I've written it all down for you.

Jimmy has a birthday party on Friday. The gift is bought and wrapped and is on the floor in the closet. Sara's science project is finished but you need to deliver it to the classroom on Thursday. There are four days worth of meals prepared with heating instructions in the freezer, but Mom has offered to feed you all on Friday night... all you have to do is show up. I've scheduled a sitter for you on Wednesday so that you can keep your raquetball game with Chris. She's pre-paid, so you don't have to worry about that.'

Interesting isn't it?


He called today at about 4:15pm just to check in. He and his friend were just sitting down to a lovely 'brunch' (note the time of day) and were on their way out for the night to set up for a country music gig. (his good friend is a single musician in Vancouver) He was joking and laughing and I, of course, was in no mood to attempt to be a part of the conversation long distance. Besides, my hands were full of groceries and I was trying to load the back of the van.

Even now as I type this, he is making small talk with grown ups in a dimly lit corner somewhere, cleanly shaven, smelling wonderful, sipping Crown Royal and Coke.

I on the other hand, am preparing to break up the third fight over the plastic pony toys with children 3 & 4. Number 1 has a headache due to the flu and I've got six more loads of laundry to do. We had chicken noodle soup at 3:000pm and are going to have popcorn for supper with out movie night tonight.

Even IF I had sexy jeans, a crisp white shirt, flawless make up and a dinner date with 3 girlfriends and a bottle of warm and enchanting red... I would rather crawl into a hot tub, soak my aching feet and sleep for a week.

Single parenthood sucks.