CAN'T SAY NO?

I was thinking today about 'busy-ness,' and about over-committing oneself, about doing things for the wrong reasons... okay maybe not 'wrong' reasons just not for compelling joyful life kind of reasons.

You know what I am talking about... I am talking about allowing your time, your life and your energy to get caught up in the vortex of work, kid, church, school and life committments. Those commitments that suck up our time and our energy and leave us winded, gasping for breath, disoriented, dizzy and overwhelmed.

WHY DO WOMEN OVERLOAD THEIR LIVES AND THEIR SCHEDULES WITH MEANINGLESS JUNK?

After all these years of self-help books, women's liberation, feminism and living both with purpose and purposefully, women are still trapping themselves in an all-consuming hubbub of 'must keep busy', 'must be a part of', 'must be liked,' 'must look like I am involved/important.'

BUSY = IMPORTANT
Who made that shit up?

Don't get me wrong... I personally believe in volunteering to a cause. I believe in donating time, energy and money at appropriate moments. I believe in lending a hand, being supportive and using my talents to assist when necessary. I believe that we all need friends to lean on. I believe in joining forces to get things done.

Unfortunately, as women (especially women who are particularly giving, helpful and generous with their time) we tend to chain ourselves to other people's dreams and goals and lose sight of our own agendas. We do it with our employers, our spouses, our girlfriends, our families, our service groups, our churches and our exteneded social networks. We lock ourselves into exhausting roles that we aren't particularly passionate about and then kill ourselves trying to be a superstar. We say yes when we should say no. And we simply DO TOO MUCH.

THEN, we lie to ourselves and think that someone somewhere is sitting back, marvelling:

"WOW, that Kim, she is a superstar! She planned the grandparents tea for the school, works full time and has four kids, but she just committed herself to chair that rummage sale committee that noone would touch with a ten foot pole!"

Most people aren't marveling at your ability, your commitment to the cause or your chock-full calendar. Most people don't even notice. And I would bet that the ones that do notice are saying, 'Thank the sweet Lord that's not me!'

Are we looking for praise?
Recognition?
Acceptance?
To fit in?
(AND HEY, IF YOU TRULY LOVE BEING BUSY - MORE POWER TO YOU.)


I try to avoid guilt at all costs. (I'm a work in progress. I am learning.) Learning to say no without guilt is one of the most important skills a woman can learn.

Let's practice:

No.
No thank you.
No can do.
No, not interested.
No, it won't work.
Nope.
No, maybe another time
No, I can't do it.
No-sir-ee.
No, not going to happen.
No way, Jose.
No chance.

I guarantee you that if you aren't saying NO to something or someone in the mode of self-preservation, no one else will jump in to rescue you and say, "Hey, no whoa Kim... You're doing too much. Let me plan the next three months of choir music. You really need a break."

What is so scary about the word no?
What do we think will happen if we say it?

Part of living a blessed and purposeful life is discovering YOUR PURPOSE and YOUR JOURNEY. Again, volunteerism is a wonderful part of reasonable generosity, but 'going along for the ride' because you just can't bring yourself to 'upset' someone by saying no, is NUTTY!

You've only got this second. And this one. And this one.

What do YOU want to do? What would fill YOUR cup? What make YOU smiile? What are YOUR dreams?

People aren't inspired by an ability to run yourself ragged. People are inspired and wowed by clarity, purpose, passion and positivity.

Learn to say no to the stuff that doesn't nourish and fill your spirit. You'll find that by saying no to everything that is NOT in alignment with WHO YOU ARE and WHERE YOU WANT TO GO, you'll open up your own life to everything that is MEANT JUST FOR YOU!

Try it.

'No, I can't do it.'
And then be quiet. No explanation necessary. No apology.

You'll find new freedom.