Sometime last fall my husband found out that in the new season of American Idol, Shania Twain would be making an appearance as a celebrity judge.
We’re pretty avid Idol watchers (and sometimes cringers during the audition rounds) so once the new season started, my husband waited with an especially perked ear to find out when Shania would be on the show.
Since last week, he’s been like a little girl crushing on a Jonas Brother (he denies this, but I’m positive.) and tonight was wringing his hands in joyful Mr. Smithers sort of anticipation. ‘Shania is going to be on Idol. Ooo, Shania’s on….’
Shania. Multi bazillionairess. World’s hottest vegetarian. Stellar song writer, chart topper and hit maker. Winner of the tiniest waistline and best belly button award. OOoooo, Shania.
Yahoo. I better just make my way to the pantry now and whip up a pan of totally trashy peanut butter square and console myself. (oh, there’s a winning attitude…)
I’m exaggerating, of course. But damn it all, he truly loves that 44 year old Canadian-back-woods, ride-a-quad, wrastle-a-bear then write-a-song goddess. And he really was totally aware that tonight was the night. He practically wore his best outfit to the living room after dinner. I’d wager he brushed his damn teeth and splashed on fresh cologne for the occasion.
Who am I to wreck it for him? The bastard.
Jeez, she’s just so darn cute. I even love her. (Always have.) She’s talented. Funny. Smart. Likeable. She’s not tabloid hungry. Or even remotely brash.
And she was super sweet on Idol tonight. A really good judge.
So, I tried to make him jealous.
I sat in my rocking chair, with my cup of coffee, and sucked in my gut extra hard, (wishing I would’ve put on make-up today…) and made subtly sarcastic remarks about how Simon and her had great chemistry.
‘Wouldn’t they make a great couple?’
‘ If Simon and Shania got together, they’d have all the money in the world?’
‘Look at how cute they are together.’
‘I think they’re flirting.’
(And then rather desperately…)
‘Oh yeah, well… well… she has boy hands! Look!’
It didn’t work. He didn’t even notice I was there in his googly eyed, hypnotized trance on the couch. (Once I had to even lean over and dab the drool with a tissue.)
In fact, I think it just made me look like a desperate housewife. All pooch, drinking my coffee, wishing I had never over plucked my eyebrows or cut my hair and wondering how hard it would be to live on raw brocoli, watercress and jicama.
That damn Shania. She’s so cute.
Is cute even applicable at 44?
Sometime last fall my husband found out that in the new season of American Idol, Shania Twain would be making an appearance as a celebrity judge.
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shania twain is gorgeous and very talented…i think she would be a great option for the american idol judge opening